Pretty Wings Series: Stop Romanticizing The People Who Hurt You

Mood Music: In Another Time, By: Sade

In the last few years, I’ve parted ways with several people in my life who were long term friends. One such friendship dated back to second grade.

I parted ways with these people because they hurt me badly, but when acquaintances asked me what happened between us I’d never demonize.

I would often tell cheery stories about the fun things me and my former friends did together and memories that we shared.

Until something changed for me.

This has been an amazing year of letting go and kismet. Recently, as I was browsing the social media site Instagram for pictures of art (as I often do for writing inspiration), when I saw the picture below

Written in flower petals was a life altering statement:

Stop Romanticizing the People who Hurt You

I was on lunch break at time, I stopped everything I was doing, dropped the Cheeto from my mouth, and had an major Aha Moment.

I immediately realized that I devalued my feelings and self-worth by romanticizing my former friendships with my words.

These people hurt me, I mean really hurt me badly, and there I was always singing their praises as if they were just people I’d lost touch with.

I find that we all do this. When people leave our lives either during a break up, death, or loss of friendship, in our missing and longing of them we tend to speak of the people who hurt us with pretty words and long soliloquies. Often making more  beauty of the situation than what was actually there.

This is a behavior that needs to stop. No, you should not walk around with hate in your heart harboring ill-will against those that hurt you; however, it is important to practice self-honesty and not overvalue their actions with fine words, old memories, and longing.

When we are not honest with ourselves about old relationships we not only delude ourselves into thinking being hurt is ok, but we also are projecting the idea into our own minds that we deserve emotional pain.

When we bathe these situation in positive light, we start questioning our decision to stay away.

Consequently, we might restart a negative relationship or fall into a similar pattern of hurt with another person.

The best thing to do in cases such as these is silently be thankful for the good times, but remember that these people hurt you and  realize you deserve better treatment.

As humans, we don’t like to invest time or money into a person and accept that it was a waste- but being hurt isn’t a waste.

Being hurt is a model that you can use for elevation.

Like I explained in the article God Bless The Broken Road, make your pain count by turning it into something beautiful and if it can’t be turned into something creative at least learn a lesson from it.

Use how people hurt you as a model of what not to accept the next time you enter any relationship with another person.

Whatever you do, do not dress trashy situations in ball gowns with your words. Forgive your persecutors in your heart and move forward.

If someone took the time to use or hurt you, their actions aren’t worth dressing up. Save the fancy words for the people who love you, uphold your honor, and are worthy of your time.

Remember that you are worth so much more than the pain you have received.

Let’s talk Soul Squad. How do you manage former pain in the present? Comment below using your Facebook Profile or WordPress user or guest id.