Is It A Woman’s Job To Birth Her Man?
Mood Music – Romantic Birthing / Partner Pushing Playlist
Televangelist John Gray has been getting a lot of attention on social media for comments he made on the television talk show Sister Circle.
Sister Circle is a talk show that appears on the TV One network and was created for the empowerment of African American women. John Gray took to the show recently to discuss his relationship with his wife Aventer Gray.
Things seemed to be going swimmingly with his appearance until social media got wind of his commentary.
Gray declared on the segment:
I married a woman two sizes too big. I have to grow into Aventer, she’s a coat. I still can’t fit her; she’s bigger than me and she has to cover me while I grow up. I gotta grow into her. She’s a covering, not a lid, because if a man marries a lid she’ll stop your dream. But if you marry a covering, she’ll push you to your destiny.
Let me tell you something, my wife has endured more pain birthing me than both our children. She has sacrificed these last eight years, uncovering the painful areas of my manhood and covering the areas of my manhood and covering the areas that could have exposed me.”
When this clip went viral, black women everywhere went into a fit of rage. Only a few comments where supportive of Gray’s statement, while nearly everyone else raged war.
Some Instagram comments included:
“Ok Mr. Gray…go away from me with this …cause what’s not gonna be me having to rebirth u when I need healing too –goldenpeach1981
“Now the wife is the covering when it’s supposed to be the opposite. Role reversal trying to normalized with the whole gender neutrality agenda. Smh! I rebuke you!!” kingdom_come_man
“This is the job of a therapist. Not a wife.” Tassassin_
The commentary went on and on and I noticed a pattern. Most black women were upset with Gray, while most black men seemed pleased.
I was nonplussed, but then a light bulb went off for me. Black women are literally sick of enduring pain.
The Black Woman’s Pain
For years black woman have had to endure the pain of slavery, racism, social oppression, and nearly every other pain humanly possible.
If you ever get a chance to read the Willie Lynch Letter, please do. There you will find that black men were systematically removed from the home to oppress the black woman further and reverse the role of the mother and father in the black family structure.
Black women have had to endure their men carted off from the plantation during slavery, to being carted off to jail and the grave in today’s society.
Women do not want to take on the pressure of “birthing men” when for years they have had to birth a nation with no help at all.
Equality in Birth
I do not feel that it is wrong to ‘birth a man’; however, it is important that the man a woman ‘births’ is wiling to help birth her too.
What many people do not realize is that each sex has an incredible effect on the other. As a child, I was more apt to believe I was beautiful if it came from my father’s mouth than my mother’s.
I loved my parents equally, but my father, uncles, and grandfather had a special power over me. I was much more hurt by my father being mad or disappointed with me than if my mother was.
My male cousins have reported the opposite effect with their mothers.
Why does this paradigm exist? Ying and yang energy needing each other for completion? God? Creation? Evolution? I do not pretend to know the answer, but I do know that men and women equally need each other and it is not fair if one person is left alone doing all the pushing.
What To Do When Both Parties Require Birth
So what to do if you are in a relationship where both parties need birthing? I believe you should take turns pushing.
Maybe in this season the man is dealing with a certain trauma or is trying to complete a goal. During this time, the women should pray with her man, counsel, console, and aid him.
Maybe in another season the women is experiencing anguish, then it is the man’s turn to comfort, love, and cover his partner in prayer.
Why Not Eliminate The Romantic Birthing Process
Many people believed that birthing should be saved for a therapist not a romantic partner, but I disagree strongly. Yes, therapy is absolutely necessary when people are working through deep issues, but it is nothing like someone loving you enough to see you through to the end of your struggles.
Therapy in conjunction with love is a very powerful tool, as love can heal many wounds.
Love is selfless and if it is real, it should be willing to put ‘self’ aside long enough to help a lover heal.
Birthing should not be eliminated from black love especially, because most of us are walking around with all the classic traumas of being born into black skin- toxic rearing, physical insecurities, and general dissatisfaction with ourselves from the media and daily racism.
A lot people fear the birthing process, because they feel that means shaping someone into a faithful lover, I believe that’s farthest from the truth.
Many times birthing someone means helping a person believe in themselves or unearthing a part of their strength or talents they did not know they possessed.
In nature, in order to birth something, one must be pregnant first. Consequently, if a man or a woman needs to be birthed it is because they are a seed that needs to be brought forth to fruit.
Natural labor brings forth a child that is an endless gift. Birthing a spouse brings forth gifts too. As Gray stated later on in the Sister Circle segment, he will spend his entire life honoring his wife, because she helped him mature and as an individual.
I feel as so though John Gray did nothing wrong in admitting that his wife helped emotionally birth him. I feel his commentary was more so praise for his wife, than advice for other men to look for a partner to help birth them into completeness.
Birth sometimes must exist inside of partnership and it will be a painful and laborious task. However, for the birth to be a success, each party must be open to communication and helping each other though the process.
It would be best if someone would speak up and admit to needing help in a particular area in their lives.
Each party must have an opportunity to be birthed and that will require patience on both ends.
The most important thing is, this special process is not to be shared with random people. As with a real birth, hopeful you decided to share in this emotional exercise with a spouse and not an arbitrary individual.
Let’s debate, is it solely a woman’s job to birth her romantic partner? Comment using your Facebook profile or WordPress guest or user ID below.