You Don’t Want A Relationship – You Just Don’t Want The Responsibility of Loving Yourself
On this blog I like to tell personal stories to aid you in your life’s journey, so here’s a page from my book that I am sure you can relate to. Not very long ago, I had finally gotten over a lost ‘love’ and I wanted a relationship.
I mean REALLY wanted a relationship. I wanted the entire Hallmark thing- long walks on the beach, kisses by the fireside, and snow, because it wouldn’t be Hallmark without snow. But, seriously I wanted to be in love.
My Vision of Love to quote Mariah Carey was really just to simply be loved- in season and out of season, for rich or poor, better or worse. I didn’t really go out and seek someone, it was just the private and desperate wish of my heart.
This wish was red hot and consuming. I felt like I was missing something because I did not have romantic love in my life. From this desire sprang writing poetry so snappy if I shared one with you, you’d probably acquire diabetes instantaneously (Read one anyway *wink) .
When I think back on these feelings, they are laughable. I had no particular person in mind, I just needed to be loved. What late-twenty something doesn’t wish to be held up in the throngs of love and adored with passion and sincerity?
Then somewhere along the way, the feeling died down enough for me to realize I didn’t want a relationship, I just didn’t want the responsibility of loving myself.
I didn’t want to deal with my brokenness alone, so I wished to push those feelings of inadequacy to the side and bring someone else around to validate me instead. Does this sound familiar?
Does this sound like you? You might not be willing to admit it, but are you not happy with your life and feel like a relationship will somehow anchor you?
Do you feel that if you had a special guy or girl in your life, you’d magically become more ambitious, happy, and/or more mentally or physically healthy. Do you believe that a partner would be the one to push you to your goals or help you to forget them all together?
If any of these statements are true, then you might want to consider working on self-love instead of romance.
Sure there are some romantic partnerships that could potentially help you fix the areas in your life that are painful or broken, but why wait? Why wait to find fulfillment in another person, when you can find fulfillment in yourself?
To find self-fulfillment you must identify the areas in your life that are troublesome to you and work with all your strength and might to rectify the brokenness so that you will not have to seek out romance as escapism or currency to be loved.
Heal yourself though whatever means necessary or at least began the work and then see if you still crave romance. You may find, as I did, that you can’t even spare the time for it!
Fall in love with self-healing, fall in love with you, then when the time is right you will attract the person that is meant to love you.
Understand that your vibe attracts your tribe. If you are operating from a place of self-hatred and pain, you will attract a less than stellar romantic partnership.
Use this year to work on yourself. Began the process and then maybe romance will happen or it won’t. However, if it doesn’t, you will complete this year so in love with yourself, no external source of happiness will truly be necessary.
Self-love is the best love, never forget it.
If you find this topic interesting, watch this TED Talk about a young woman who came to the same terms that I did and found self-love.
Comment below Soul Squad using your Facebook profile or WordPress guest or user ID. Tell me what steps have you taken toward self-love.