Money Can’t Buy Me Love: How To Stop Buying Affection
Mood Music: Love by Prince and (Money Can’t) Buy Me Love by Blackstreet
I’d like to tell several short stories to make a point so bear with me.
I had friend who whenever we went out, would regularly flirt with people in the store. Not like flirt in a sexual way, but smile at strangers, hold doors, and tell classically unattractive girls that they were beautiful. It was heartwarming at first, but eventually it started to annoy the hell out of me.
Finally, we were goofing off in a store one day and a random lady lost her keys. My friend saw her drop them on the aisle, so he ran to her, gave her the brightest warmest smile, and placed the keys lovingly in her hand.
The lady melted like butter in August on the sidewalk. Completely annoyed with this visible over the top display of whatever you want to call it, I asked him.
“Why do you do that? Why do you flirt with everyone and make them walk away all dazzled by you?!”
He just shrugged one shoulder and gave that sweet smile that kind of dazzled me too.
There is this spiritual guru on YouTube named Hans Wilhelm, whom I adore, and he has stated, “If you spot it, you got it.” This means anything that annoys you about another person is likely a behavior you exhibit yourself.
Not long after being annoyed with my friend, my sister and my mom accused me of the same behavior.
Before I get angry at anything, I try my best to evaluate the situations and see if what is said is true- I found that it was. The very thing that got on my nerves about my friend, was something that I regularly do too.
Recently, I’ve been evaluating this behavior in myself and thinking of this former friend. I wanted to gather an explanation as to why we both are overly friendly to strangers.
I thought of a similar factor in both of our lives- we both come from a past of bullying and now wish to be liked.
It was a sad Aha moment, but it was very real. Flirting with the public is kind of a way to win people over. The people we win over now as adults, kind of makes up for all the people who hated us in the past. It is like some weird Libra scales that balances out the pain of the past.
The only real flaw with this behavior is it leads to unnecessary people pleasing that creates a false sense of like which can breed artificial friendships and relationships.
The moral of the story is you can’t buy love or affection. – allow me delve a bit deeper.
Lately, I did something very special for a “friend”. It was something that I was going to do for her anyway, but before I could volunteer she requested it of me.
I was happy to be of service and as the special event came closer and closer she was so clingy and loving. Morning texts, wishes for a good day, phone calls at night… It was very beautiful, but something just didn’t feel right in my spirit about the situation and her behavior.
Her odd behavior started to drive a wedge in my feelings about the friendship, but as the event got closer, I felt more and more excited and my fears began to allay.
I THREW myself into the upcoming endeavor in a physical, mental, financial, and emotional way. It was expensive and so exhausting, but it was a labor of love on my part.
She enjoyed the fruits of my labor (which were plentiful) and thanked me a little, but outside of one text message I haven’t heard from her since.
A three-year friendship down the drain. As a matter of fact, I kind of knew on a subconscious level she was building me up for this particular moment.
I was used, and I mean really used. I thought after the event we would come out stronger and better.
I believed our friendship would be lasting because of such a beautiful and earnest display of affection- but she basically got what she wanted and she was over it. Just like so many other people in my life before.
They pose as friends, reap all the benefits my love offers and then they either show me their true colors and I move on, or they get whatever it was they wanted and move on.
I am a natural giver and I’d give till my heart falls out if I could. If I love you, you better be prepared to be wrapped in the plushiest experience of your life. Most of it is who I am and how I was raised, but an awful lot of it comes from the scars of the past.
I was such a loner and bullied so heavily as a teen that when I got out of it, I felt like I had to give to people to keep them around. Give of my time, myself, my money, my energy- not only to prove my loyalty, but prove that I was something worth loving. (God is this cathartic).
But let me tell you something kids, and this is what I know for sure- money can’t buy you love. Natural REAL affection can NOT be brought.
There are no pretty words you can say, there are no actions you can make, there’s NOTHING you can do to make a person love you.
If a person loves you and I mean truly loves you, they won’t look at you as a sponsor of anything. If your “friend’ is always getting the emotional support, the gifts, the love, the affection, and you are walking away empty often, you are the only real friend in this equation.
No matter how screwed up your psyche, you should know that you are FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made. No one is better than you and you don’t have to pay a person to love you. Love is free.
There is nothing more beautiful than a person deciding on free will to love you. It makes you feel good and sleep better at night knowing that the people who are in your life are there willingly.
That Rose (roses) that is awaiting you is yours. It’s predestined and you have to do NOTHING to win them over.
The bible states that a friend LOVES at all TIMES. All times even includes: sick, depressed, grieving, angry, confused, talentless, and broke.
Evaluate yourself and search within your heart to see if you are buying affection. Then look outwardly and see if the people around you are just here for the ride…if either answer is ‘yes’ there’s a problem- resolve it quickly.
You are worthy of real affection not manufactured like.
I hope this means something to you….writing this was hard, but it was worth it.
I want each reader to be healed and find a way to overcome some of the life challenges I have faced much more gracefully.